Product Review: That Butt Stuff

Monkey butt. Swamp ass. Tractor crack. No matter what colloquialism you use, it all means the same thing – painful chafing that feels like someone has taken a belt sander to your inner thighs, crotch, ass, or the junction in between. Its caused by skin rubbing against skin or skin rubbing against clothing and mainly affects two contrary groups: avid exercise enthusiasts and the obese. It’s also exacerbated by movement and perspiration – two constants in off road motorcycle riding.

As the saying goes, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Cycling or compression shorts with chamois padding and well vented riding pants are a good first line of defense to prevent chafing, but when your ass gets pounded in spite of these efforts it’s time reach for something more. This means a powder for keeping things dry or a cream for keeping things lubricated.

Traditional powders may work well for a leisurely ride on a Harley when you’re dressed up like the biker guy from the Village People, but using it for aggressive trail riding in the summer means it will soon be washed away by the waterfall of perspiration pouring down your butt crack. Petroleum Jelly is the old cure-all lubricant but personally, I don’t want to smear anything that has the word petroleum in it on my nether regions. And even though it also contains the word jelly I wouldn’t recommend spreading it on toast.

That Butt Stuff was created by an avid mountain biker with a medical background and penchant for home brewing beer. It was tested extensively in Hot Springs, Arkansas where the temperature gets hotter than Bill Clinton taking a steam bath with a bunch of (female) interns. This means it won’t wash away after being subjected to hours of man sweat.

Its made from plant based oils and is 99% natural, which would explain why it smells like the Health & Beauty section at Whole Foods Market. While the medicinal herb nouveau hippy scent doesn’t do much for me, it smells a lot better than my ass after 60 miles of single track. And all natural ingredients means it feels light on your skin, not slimey like you just smeared axle grease all over yourself.

That Butt Stuff is also a favorite of Triathletes because it doesn’t immediately wash off in water – perfect for when you end up wrestling your bike out of an innocent looking puddle that turned out to be four feet deep.

So if you’re a rider that suffers from chaffing, don’t let it slow you down – slather on some of That Butt Stuff and get your ass back in the dirt!